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رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
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رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
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I have the rare privilege
of having begun life twice.
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But do any of us really know where
the journey of life will take us?
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I know nothing in this no covered
mantle valley.
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They prepared me for the events
that would follow.
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My teachers life
is all about order.
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And I need a ritual to protect me
from the chaos in my mind.
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I think I would fall apart
if I stopped.
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I loved my pupils.
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So much innocence and promise.
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And liquid water
heats up by the sun.
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Evaporates. condenses
to form clouds
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falls back to Earth
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as rain or snow.
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Plants and forest soak up
that liquid
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in order to grow.
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Okay?
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I filled their minds with facts.
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Basics of Maths and Grammar.
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Chapters of Europe.
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Not knowing what
paths their lives will take.
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Come on!
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Come on!
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Maybe keeping the diary
will bring freedom and peace.
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Help me to sort things out.
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I can't stand in no ways
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puttering my mind.
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Even in the quiet of this village.
it finds me hiding
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Like a turtle in its shell.
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Why do I live alone when I
can share my life with Laura?
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Stuck like a hamster in its wheel
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endlessly spinning gone now.
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And the dark hour arrives
that I dread.
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Night follows the day.
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It always does.
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And the creatures of the night
know where to find me.
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They always do.
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Are you okay?
You've been acting so weird.
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I'm fine.
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Alex. what's up?
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I don't know.
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How about you and me
having dinner tonight?
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One second.
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- Hello!
- Hello
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Is this a good time?
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Yeah!
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Okay.
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For God's sake.
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I'm sure Alex was really
happy back then.
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He enjoyed living in the country
side having all that
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nature and open space around him.
Not like the city where he grew up.
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He loved to go running along the lake
through the woods as often as possible.
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My God! Also. late at night
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or early in the morning
when no one else is around.
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No. but. um.
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Later.
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that's when he began to change.
last winter.
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He seemed introverted.
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Didn't talk much.
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Just wanted to be left alone.
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And he started having difficulty
communicating with
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people outside his daily routine.
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People he thought
he couldn't trust like
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the parents of his pupils.
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And that's the real problem
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when your school teacher
in a small village.
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Sometimes a phone call
can change your life.
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Without you realizing it.
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And when a lawyer is calling.
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You know you are
heading for trouble.
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Well Mr. Dhanti.
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Going to be perfectly honest
with you. - Yeah!
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Maybe you know the condition
of your mother is deteriorating.
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Over the past few months.
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She will knows slightly never will
be able to leave the hospital again.
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Okay.
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And as her lawyer
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it is my duty to tell you
all her savings have gone.
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The bank closed the bank accounts.
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As a sole descendant
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you are obliged to take care
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of her financial affairs.
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Which means I also have to
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keep her apartment.
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That's exactly what I am
trying to say.
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And when you think
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As soon as possible.
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We have no choice.
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That's the situation.
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I'm come home.
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It's all here.
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Frozen in amber.
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Quick for an older child
waiting for my return.
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We laughed in here. we cried
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you and I
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we. celebrated Christmas
and every one of my birthdays.
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Sang songs.
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We danced with Joy.
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You are never going
to come home.
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I was the one who
needed to come home.
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I feel like I am under water.
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Swimming up stream
like a sun
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against the current
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boating towards the sun.
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Fighting so hard to reach the
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place that I was born.
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Strange.
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So black and white
my memory now.
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No colour at all.
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Say one.
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Red colour of your dress.
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Where did you go?
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When I was looking for you
in the middle of the night.
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So many nights. leaving
your child behind.
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Soundtrack of the clicking
clock haunting me.
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Counting the remaining hours
of the night.
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I could've arranged to have this apartment
cleaned up before I even got here.
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All it takes is one phone call.
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But now I am stalking my child
to days like a torment bully.
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Instead of getting rid of all
the clutter and cardboard boxes.
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Did you know I would
return here eventually?
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I can start with them
covering the past.
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Come here. Please!
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Look here.
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It's burning your mill.
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You have no clue who I am.
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Your empty gaze
turn question marks multiple ways.
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I'm so sorry for you. mom.
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So many nights in bed alone
without anyone to hold
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I will hold you.
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If you allow me.
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Well we...
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we never really talked about
his mother or his childhood.
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He didn't want to.
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I did sense
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there must have been issues
in his early childhood.
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As he couldn't articulate
or maybe even remember.
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00:18:10.899 --> 00:18:13.508
Well. as far as I know
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there wasn't one specific event
that trigged his sudden anxiety.
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But.
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deep scares hidden
in sub-conscious
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eventually find their way out.
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And that's exactly why
makes me sad
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Alex wasn't able to
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analyse them or get
them out of his system.
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I thought I knew
who I was.
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But now I am floating
between two worlds.
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The human brain is full
of mud.
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Everything that falls into
leaves an imprint.
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Bad events leave deeper
traces than good events.
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Carrying more weight.
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And as you grow older
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that mould hardens.
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The place is fast survives.
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And it takes an earthquake
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to shake the malice.
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Laura thought my headache
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stomach pains and sleepless nights
were from a bad diet.
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So. I added a daily photographic
reference to my dairy.
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Here they are...
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The mental crap your system
has to cope with
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hands of sugar. salt
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fats. chemicals and toxins.
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No wonder I am never hungry.
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Everything in my mouth
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taste like clotted wax.
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I need to build up my strength
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to face my biggest challenge here.
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To go where I dare not enter.
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Your private sanctuary.
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Player of your dreams.
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They say you can't go home again.
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Suppose you never left.
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After all these years your perfumes
still lingers on between these walls.
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Like a faded veil.
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Touching something deep inside me.
I can't escape.
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So much for your life
in front of mirrors.
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So much of vanity
behind closed doors.
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Always making yourself pretty.
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You wanted to be an actress
on a big stage.
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And I was too young to realize
I wasn't your only audience.
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Even as a child. I knew
you were gravitating towards
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another world full of
neon lights and obsessions.
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00:26:00.340 --> 00:26:02.521
Secret whispers and moans
of pleasure.
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00:26:11.249 --> 00:26:12.731
Then you left me alone
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until my dreams overwhelmed
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my fears and the breaking
dawn chased them away.
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What energies come to mind?
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00:27:40.326 --> 00:27:41.326
Um.
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00:27:45.089 --> 00:27:46.383
Is there anything else?
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00:27:49.613 --> 00:27:50.613
Um.
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How could I answer that question?
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00:27:58.808 --> 00:28:00.978
There was absolutely
nothing to talk about.
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I knew he was seeing
a psychiatrist
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and was on medication.
Sleeping pills. anti
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depressants and so on.
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00:28:18.890 --> 00:28:20.142
But...
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I... I just couldn't
reach him anymore.
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00:28:27.003 --> 00:28:28.516
He didn't talk to me.
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00:28:29.841 --> 00:28:31.521
I thought he had a
problem with me. but...
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What do you do if someone
just doesn't talk to you anymore.
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In my opinion no medication
can penetrate to the root
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of such severe mental illness.
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He numbed his symptoms and
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00:28:55.938 --> 00:28:58.338
locked him into an even
tighter mental cage.
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00:30:12.996 --> 00:30:15.616
My family album full of people
I never met.
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00:30:19.137 --> 00:30:20.817
Ghost from another century.
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00:30:31.452 --> 00:30:33.454
Did you know that this was
my magic castle?
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00:30:33.455 --> 00:30:34.728
My secret hide away.
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00:30:44.986 --> 00:30:46.927
And what about my
little alter ego?
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00:30:59.245 --> 00:31:01.207
My only true friend
and confident.
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00:31:14.354 --> 00:31:15.961
Who I try to imitate.
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00:31:21.189 --> 00:31:22.189
You?
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00:31:26.657 --> 00:31:28.640
I was distended for the future me.
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00:31:33.100 --> 00:31:35.469
Shame and guilt.
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00:33:45.098 --> 00:33:47.592
When you look at the physical
romance of your life.
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00:33:49.309 --> 00:33:51.521
They seem trivial and useless.
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00:33:58.721 --> 00:33:59.909
Comes and brushes.
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00:33:59.910 --> 00:34:01.141
Putted smell of
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00:34:01.142 --> 00:34:04.084
perfume and alcohol
woven into a filthy toothbrush.
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00:34:10.836 --> 00:34:11.899
Eyeliner.
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00:34:11.900 --> 00:34:14.102
Bottles and scented padded.
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00:34:15.855 --> 00:34:17.409
All that's left of you.
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00:39:09.456 --> 00:39:10.456
Did you know
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00:39:11.637 --> 00:39:13.035
first of all. my life
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00:39:13.353 --> 00:39:14.825
My life is so different.
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00:39:15.138 --> 00:39:17.099
In contrast to Alex.
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00:39:19.045 --> 00:39:21.382
For me. everything was
always easy and effortless.
230
00:39:23.062 --> 00:39:25.202
I love going to university
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00:39:25.692 --> 00:39:27.675
have a caring and loving family.
232
00:39:28.414 --> 00:39:31.795
I enjoy being a teacher basically.
Basically. I am happy.
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00:39:32.358 --> 00:39:33.402
And...
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00:39:33.621 --> 00:39:35.790
Guess that's exactly why I didn't
recognize
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00:39:35.791 --> 00:39:39.334
the signs and wasn't aware of the
seriousness of the situation and
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00:39:42.287 --> 00:39:44.071
wasn't prepared
for what was coming.
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00:39:48.284 --> 00:39:49.284
Yes.
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00:39:50.110 --> 00:39:52.572
It's very painful to see him
slide away
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00:39:54.231 --> 00:39:57.383
get pulled into that dark
abyss of nightmares and
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00:39:57.571 --> 00:39:59.240
hallucinations
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00:40:01.282 --> 00:40:02.722
which he couldn't escape.
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00:41:58.352 --> 00:41:59.980
Can't shed my mind.
243
00:42:00.658 --> 00:42:02.192
But I can shed my skin.
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00:42:03.267 --> 00:42:04.550
The butchers skin. the raba.
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00:42:07.444 --> 00:42:09.312
All I need is a clean cut.
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00:42:14.326 --> 00:42:16.465
Everything V-shaped by the blade.
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00:42:17.926 --> 00:42:19.815
Years of shame and guilt.
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00:42:21.349 --> 00:42:22.601
Self-neglect.
249
00:42:23.118 --> 00:42:24.161
Uncertainty.
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00:42:24.474 --> 00:42:25.716
Shaved off.
251
00:42:26.404 --> 00:42:27.404
Just like that.
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00:43:53.625 --> 00:43:55.993
It takes a surprisingly short time.
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00:43:55.994 --> 00:43:57.893
This engage from the past.
254
00:44:06.265 --> 00:44:07.746
Maybe my true self
255
00:44:07.747 --> 00:44:10.210
lies behind all boundaries
256
00:44:10.363 --> 00:44:12.023
sex and gender.
257
00:44:26.119 --> 00:44:28.686
Maybe it always has
and I never really knew.
258
00:48:15.181 --> 00:48:16.181
What?
259
00:48:19.707 --> 00:48:21.220
Want to try this end.
260
00:48:35.299 --> 00:48:36.416
Trading for what?
261
00:48:38.920 --> 00:48:39.920
The gun.
262
00:48:42.186 --> 00:48:44.075
1 millimeter fire star...
263
00:48:47.101 --> 00:48:49.157
Got ammunition.
- No...
264
00:49:02.785 --> 00:49:05.738
Finally. you have to stop eating all
that crap and become healthy again.
265
00:49:08.362 --> 00:49:10.418
Healthy mind in a
powerful body.
266
00:49:12.599 --> 00:49:15.416
I have to keep my focus
straight and switch all my senses
267
00:49:15.750 --> 00:49:16.750
Full alert.
268
00:49:40.016 --> 00:49:41.258
I could have been a father.
269
00:49:42.051 --> 00:49:43.658
A daddy with a little girl.
270
00:49:44.498 --> 00:49:45.498
Kind of like that.
271
00:49:46.073 --> 00:49:47.073
Here.
272
00:49:47.482 --> 00:49:48.482
Lucy!
273
00:49:49.256 --> 00:49:50.256
Thank you!
274
00:49:51.353 --> 00:49:52.353
Lucy!
275
00:49:57.849 --> 00:50:00.635
Then again. maybe not.
276
00:50:12.086 --> 00:50:14.528
How many truths
you are hiding in the dark?
277
00:50:17.987 --> 00:50:21.170
Why do I feel a great relief
and slipping into my other self?
278
00:50:23.470 --> 00:50:25.443
It's also a part
of God's creation.
279
00:50:29.596 --> 00:50:31.912
Or maybe God is nothing
but a magician.
280
00:50:33.900 --> 00:50:36.403
Dividing night from day.
pain from joy.
281
00:50:36.404 --> 00:50:38.043
Innocence from evil.
282
00:50:39.744 --> 00:50:41.987
And what if that all
no longer mattered.
283
00:50:43.265 --> 00:50:44.789
And I'm God's lonely soul.
284
00:50:46.385 --> 00:50:47.982
The naked Robert in the heart.
285
00:50:49.719 --> 00:50:50.719
Now. you see me.
286
00:50:53.935 --> 00:50:54.935
Now. you don't.
287
00:51:58.696 --> 00:52:00.032
And every now and then
288
00:52:00.929 --> 00:52:03.433
unexpected visitors
creep into my new life.
289
00:52:04.446 --> 00:52:05.771
Trying to divert my path.
290
00:52:06.731 --> 00:52:07.826
Alex!
291
00:52:09.173 --> 00:52:10.581
How could she ever understand?
292
00:52:13.868 --> 00:52:14.868
Laura!
293
00:52:26.023 --> 00:52:27.410
Pick up your trial. mama?
294
00:52:29.226 --> 00:52:31.407
And my journey into the night
has just begun.
295
00:54:23.004 --> 00:54:24.110
Drink!
296
00:54:27.596 --> 00:54:29.223
Bad.
297
00:54:30.194 --> 00:54:31.759
All my darling!
298
00:54:33.079 --> 00:54:35.573
Darling...
299
00:54:38.130 --> 00:54:40.351
Hey!
300
00:54:40.352 --> 00:54:42.397
Whoo-la-la.
301
00:54:51.637 --> 00:54:54.631
What the fuck?
What the hell!
302
00:54:56.693 --> 00:54:59.844
Move. Move.
- This is insane.
303
00:55:04.310 --> 00:55:05.310
Fuck!
304
00:55:08.672 --> 00:55:09.672
Stay out.
305
00:55:53.105 --> 00:55:54.294
Hi!
306
01:03:41.795 --> 01:03:43.923
Life begins and ends in bed.
307
01:03:51.264 --> 01:03:53.205
And we are born
and die alone.
308
01:04:51.217 --> 01:04:52.376
Oh mama!
309
01:04:54.108 --> 01:04:55.276
What were we ever
310
01:04:55.803 --> 01:04:57.609
a solitary pair of moths.
311
01:04:58.057 --> 01:04:59.925
Destined for secret flying.
312
01:05:01.720 --> 01:05:04.423
Glass photo flickering
in an empty church.
313
01:05:07.026 --> 01:05:08.758
Carried me in your womb.
314
01:05:09.697 --> 01:05:11.482
As I carry you
in my heart.
315
01:05:14.377 --> 01:05:15.515
I forgive you. Mama.
316
01:05:19.344 --> 01:05:20.951
And I hope you can
forgive me.
317
01:06:13.622 --> 01:06:14.384
Hey!
318
01:06:14.624 --> 01:06:16.575
You are alright. na?
319
01:09:09.038 --> 01:09:11.156
Still remember this
unnerving dream.
320
01:09:15.168 --> 01:09:17.861
I was lying on the shores
of a big lake
321
01:09:21.288 --> 01:09:24.022
Alex was there with me.
the sun was shining and that was
322
01:09:24.471 --> 01:09:26.047
beautiful and warm.
323
01:09:27.069 --> 01:09:28.655
Suddenly. he climbed on a rock
324
01:09:30.330 --> 01:09:32.114
waved at me. smiled
325
01:09:32.428 --> 01:09:33.680
and jumped into the water.
326
01:09:34.358 --> 01:09:36.601
As soon as he disappeared
under water
327
01:09:37.248 --> 01:09:39.001
the water froze to solid ice.
328
01:09:40.792 --> 01:09:42.962
I ran into the ice on panic.
Barefoot.
329
01:09:43.964 --> 01:09:45.790
And so I am down there in the dark.
330
01:09:46.302 --> 01:09:49.015
Desperate trying to break the ice
and get back up.
331
01:09:50.575 --> 01:09:52.735
Then I am pressing my hands
in the ice
332
01:09:53.830 --> 01:09:55.719
trying to melt it with my hands.
333
01:10:02.684 --> 01:10:04.030
Big dark eyes
334
01:10:05.032 --> 01:10:06.430
starring at me from below.
335
01:10:09.336 --> 01:10:11.027
Desperation still haunts me
336
01:10:15.117 --> 01:10:16.117
to this day.
337
01:11:21.269 --> 01:11:22.813
Alex! For God's sake.
338
01:11:23.669 --> 01:11:25.620
Alex. why are you
not answering my calls?
339
01:11:27.728 --> 01:11:29.293
I was worried about you.
340
01:11:38.569 --> 01:11:40.145
Please! I wanna a...
341
01:11:41.262 --> 01:11:42.493
I'll be back tonight.
342
01:11:51.342 --> 01:11:52.342
Isn't it. ironic?
343
01:11:53.251 --> 01:11:55.088
The more we try to work
against fate
344
01:11:55.229 --> 01:11:56.940
the more destiny repeat it so.
345
01:11:57.900 --> 01:11:59.528
From generation to generation.
346
01:12:06.321 --> 01:12:08.293
But love conquers all. right?
347
01:12:10.432 --> 01:12:11.768
That is at least what they say.
348
01:13:39.107 --> 01:13:40.107
Why?
349
01:13:41.929 --> 01:13:43.714
Why me?
350
01:13:46.291 --> 01:13:47.291
Why?
351
01:14:05.982 --> 01:14:06.982
Why?
352
01:14:10.082 --> 01:14:11.082
God!
353
01:14:12.597 --> 01:14:13.597
O God!
354
01:14:26.976 --> 01:14:27.976
Uh.
355
01:14:31.635 --> 01:14:32.752
Why me?
356
01:14:33.821 --> 01:14:35.657
Please. why me?
357
01:14:45.596 --> 01:14:46.859
O God!
358
01:14:48.753 --> 01:14:49.765
Help!
359
01:14:53.167 --> 01:14:54.167
Help me!
360
01:14:57.012 --> 01:14:58.012
Please!
361
01:15:03.221 --> 01:15:04.473
Help me!
362
01:15:05.454 --> 01:15:06.998
O God!
363
01:17:30.404 --> 01:17:32.042
A brand new car could not help me.
364
01:17:34.547 --> 01:17:35.547
Not now.
365
01:17:38.094 --> 01:17:39.743
I was too far abstrained.
366
01:17:41.319 --> 01:17:44.408
Waiting for that deep dark
pool of my beginnings.
367
01:17:45.921 --> 01:17:48.164
As far back into your womb.
368
01:21:26.776 --> 01:21:28.633
Was it said?
- Got it.
369
01:21:53.578 --> 01:21:55.185
Thanks!
370
01:21:57.324 --> 01:21:59.160
You just saved my life.
371
01:23:08.296 --> 01:23:09.922
I had the rare privilege
of having
372
01:23:09.923 --> 01:23:11.708
to begin life twice.
373
01:23:36.301 --> 01:23:38.002
And I finally found peace.
374
01:23:49.292 --> 01:23:52.031
It doesn't really matter
who you are or used to be.
375
01:23:53.576 --> 01:23:55.464
As long as you
are true to yourself.
376
01:23:58.177 --> 01:24:00.108
I turned my world upside down.
377
01:24:00.296 --> 01:24:03.030
Only to find a more
complete self to the other end.
378
01:24:05.889 --> 01:24:07.756
That gave us the ability to love.
379
01:24:08.122 --> 01:24:09.978
Forgive and change.
380
01:24:09.979 --> 01:24:11.471
That's what makes us humans.
381
01:24:12.671 --> 01:24:13.767
Nothing else matters.
382
01:24:14.320 --> 01:24:15.332
Not in the end.